Just as I am about to record my first thoughts on The Path today I drop my phone…with excitement, I think. Or, perhaps a nervousness.
There is a feeling that despite still being well and truly in the thick of it I am, in truth, liberated. A feeling that isn't based on the issues being resolved. They're not. I am simply feeling free already. There is a sense of complete bodily lightness and a joy at having transcended the mire in this moment. The excitement, it seems, is knowing that as long as I allow this sense of ok-ness the physical world will catch up and match my vibration and I will have walked through the challenges and faced my worst fears once again.
The nervousness, on the other hand, is that it feels like a game, an exploration. In short, a risk! An experiment to see what happens when I allow this feeling of flow to continue rather than blocking it with anxious thoughts and worst-case-scenarios. It still feels like the biggest challenges are yet to come but there is also this lightness of step as I sense myself walking through it. Not knowing how it is going to work out and not wanting to know. Accepting, though, I will still have my moments along the way ;-)
I notice the tall, green daffodil leaves though no sign of flowers yet. However, I feel strangely excited to know they are on their way. I look forward to seeing the first bright yellow flowers. In fact, it seems their potential is already here. Just waiting to be expressed. ...Eventually I realise this is really about me.
Normally my mind would be full of anxious thoughts around What if I'm wrong? What if I'm fooling myself? What if everything isn't really ok? But not today. Today I realise there is nothing to lose. If I am wrong then nothing has changed...except I am happy.
Right now, that's all the change I need :-)
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.