Meeting Myself On The Way Back
The feeling on the Path today is surreal. The pine forest is snow-covered despite there being no snow anywhere else. The expanse of white brings a sense of vagueness. A lack of reference points, I guess. The words blank page and clean slate come to mind.
Towards the end of the walk the path is blocked and a diversion is in place. Having walked this path a couple of days ago I know the diversion will take me through a magnificent avenue of pine trees. Or do I? This time there is one diversion after another, which eventually takes me back towards the start of the path. (Disappointment is the flip side of expectation!) But - if I'm not mistaken - it's starting to snow! Tiny, delicate snowflakes. Magical!
Since the diversion has me re-tracing the start of the path in reverse I notice my original footsteps going the other way. The soles of my boots are quite distinctive and stand out clearly among the many other footsteps. How bizarre! It's like meeting myself on the way back. It's all very mutli-dimensional...cue Twilight Zone music :-)
Finally, as I leave there is no evidence of snowfall beyond the park. It's as if I just entered one of those snow globe paperweights...though thankfully without the vigorous shaking :-)
Here's to unfathomable days like this.
Setting off on The Path today the words natural and at home come to mind. I am very relaxed. Before long, however, my mind is lost in thoughts about one thing or another and I realise despite this being a walking meditation I am all in my head. I decide whenever I notice this happening I could bring awareness to my feet and just focus on what I am feeling here in this part of my body. Even with wellies on I can sense the lay of the land and every bump and stone beneath my soles, but it does bring me back down to earth and I quickly regain a sense of ground. Cool!
Before long I am off again! Up in the air. This particular train of thought begins with me feeling compassion for someone in their suffering when, like a bolt from the blue, I am suddenly feeling deep shame wondering if their suffering is my fault in some way. There is no particular reason why it would be but nevertheless I am feeling horrified right now.
Thankfully I remember to lose my mind, as it were, and bring awareness back to my feet. As I take the very next step I glance down at the ground. It seems I am about to step on a hand grenade. In actual fact, it's just a pine cone half buried in the mud but the powerful symbology stays with me as I watch myself step right down on to it.
It occurs to me that the feelings of deep shame that we unconsciously allow to cycle around our heads have as much hidden, destructive potential as unwittingly stepping on a land mine or live grenade. Although it is healthy for shame to come up out of the shadows to be acknowledged, it is equally important to then release it. That is, let go of the shame. For to try and push it back down inside from whence it came is akin to swallowing a ticking time bomb and hoping it won't go off ;-)
Much Love and Joy and Happiness on Your Path xxx
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.