Even though we are cruising toward the month of June the cold and challenging winter moments seem to be outlasting the warm and easy summer moments and I find myself questioning whether walking The Path is worth it at all. Sometimes, it simply appears to invite trouble.
Weighing up the rewards, it seems even on the "spiritual" path the ultimate question is What's in it for me? Does that make me selfish, I wonder? And yet, why we would we do anything, even sacrifice ourselves, unless at some level we felt better for it?
Choosing to take the easier route past, rather than through, the dark wood I sense now is not the time for plumbing the depths. All that anal-ysing and knowledge-seeking of the past was a wonderful gift at the time but right now I sense the joy of Being, without question.
Trudging up the hill there is a hint of nausea and a sense of drive, drive, drive. Just stop, I tell myself. I can't just stop here. I'm in the middle of the path and it's starting to rain, I protest. Life feels a little like this at the moment. Maybe I could stop later, but what good could possibly come of stoping now? Noticing the resistance I do stop. An ache all around my lower back becomes evident, an area that is said to represent fears around money and financial security. Hmmm…it seems there is a sense of financial insecurity currently driving many of us. I wonder what it is like to not be driven by our financial situation but to be driven by joy instead? And in this case, by driven I mean chauffeured. Sitting in the back seat, feet up, taking in the view, letting joy be the driver.
Over the years I realise I've had some pretty odd-sounding personal ambitions...I want to be a Radiator (someone who radiates love), I want to be an Air-head (someone with a clear mind), and right now I am adding Joyrider to the list!
Happy cruising x
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.