I begin The Path today feeling…well, open. Simple. Without fanfare. Just me, trusting life has a much better plan in store for me than I could ever envisage for myself.
Lately, I've noticed a recurring image in my mind of a barely visible golden thread laid out before me. It is evenly spaced with knots, and if I move gently enough I can pick it up and slowly make my way along it following each knot in turn. I cannot see where it is leading beyond the next but I am beaming because I just know each knot represents the most pleasurable choice in this moment. Although I do not see the details of what lies ahead, I feel in my heart it is taking me closer to where I belong. Home.
Back in 2012, having completed 3 1/2 years of training in Core Process Psychotherapy (being only a hundred client hours and a dissertation away from graduation) I made the excruciating decision not to pursue the Master's Degree for which I had sacrificed so much, having turned my own life and that of my family's inside out. Not to mention the financial cost. Up until this point, being a psychotherapist had been my dream and here I was, realising it. However, as the training came to an end I noticed a strange feeling of completeness. Like I already had everything I needed to go forward from here. As if I was free to choose the path of most joy. Writing. Even though in my heart I knew it was the right decision back then I wasn't so in touch with my heart and instead my mind became so racked with self-doubt, guilt and shame around the seemingly insane decision that I entered a six month period of breakdown.
Why do I bring this up now? Because. as we speak, many of my former colleagues are graduating and I notice at times like this I still have to consciously breathe my way through in order to keep my sense of ground around the choice I made. Sometimes I feel as if I don't have a lot to show for it, and indeed when we cease to measure our life in terms of qualification there can seem to be very little external evidence of "success". Internal growth can be more difficult to gauge.
I am eternally grateful for the training as is it where I found the faith to go my own way. It seems stepping off the expected path (graduation and practice) was simply me following the Golden Thread, only then I couldn't see it. I resisted it, and I suffered as a result. Ironically, the training helped me sense the freedom of being without ambition. Not needing to be any more than I am right now, not needing to be anywhere other than where I am right now. And yet, always open to experiencing more.
As all true Masters and Guru's know; the day their student realises they no longer need them their work is complete.
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.