I was a little surprised on The Path today to see two separate wreaths. Same path, different focus every time! Strange! I thought. They are what stand out for me most powerfully today and yet, I don't think I am feeling grief or loss. Or am I? This is why I love walking in nature. It gently helps me access those deeply buried emotions and fears of which I would ordinarily be unaware. And for good reason - they are too prickly to handle. They hurt!
So, am I in denial? Well, I do notice a lot of sadness and devastation around me, and in the world at large, but somehow this feels like a cop-out. Yes, much easier to focus on someone else's grief rather than my own. So, inside I go! Well, there is that friendship that seemed to unravel out of the blue. I am aware of loss and heartache around that. Furthermore, I'm not sure what to do or say, if anything. Just like the ground today, I am a little frozen.
As beings of love, I don't think we do separation very well. It's not natural. It's not who we are at our core. Yet, as human beings, the pain and frustration of separation is all too familiar. The fear of rejection, saying the wrong thing, messing up (again!) often immobilises us. It takes courage to open our hearts and come face to face with our vulnerable selves.
As for the friendship, it feels important to acknowledge not only the grief and loss and fear and shame I feel but also the deep and enduring love and appreciation, whatever may unfold from hereon in.
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.