I don't care
Before I started The Path today I was feeling buoyant. Care-free. That was, until I came across a couple of mistakes I'd made with regard to something that was important to me. Something that I care about. Something that is too late to undo. One error was use of the word er instead of her, twice!
As I walk along I reassure myself of the old adage: To err is human...but to err twice is just plain careless I catch myself adding, with contempt. The shame I feel is consuming.
There is sh*t on the path today. One dollop then another, though it is pretty hidden amidst the foliage. You'd have to be looking for it to see it. Just like my mistakes. I went looking for them for no apparent reason and ended up bursting my own bubble of joy. What was the point of that! I chastise myself. Well, I know the answer to that one in a heartbeat. Whether we can see it or not, the single point is always Love. So how does that translate in this case I wonder?
I notice that although little things (like a mistake) can make a big difference it is not necessarily the "mistake" itself that is the problem but the energy invested in worrying about about it. The tendency to blow it out of proportion. For self-recrimination. To irrationalise. There certainly is an art to not over-investing. Not caring.
Perhaps the lesson here is our freedom to choose. To keep breathing and walking through the discomfort of our perceived errors. Perhaps even, trusting that they are not really errors at all but some kind of divine opportunity. These particular '"errors" have helped me understand myself a little deeper, release more sh*t. Allowed me to see caring is not always a good thing. Simply an investment. Showing me not only where love is but where it is lacking within.
And so, with a deep breath and a big smile of relief I continue on my way, once again choosing to be carefree.
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Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.