As I walk The Path today I catch myself shaking my head and thinking What a load of b*llocks it is being here on earth sometimes. Really! Fraught with tension around my skull it feels as if my head is cracking open. The image of President Kennedy's assassination comes to mind (a video I re-watched only this week to assist my son with his history homework!) Whatever this is I am experiencing, it is in-tense!
I take a moment to lean against a tree and catch my breath. The buddha springs to mind. It dawns on me that he wasn't always enlightened. Of course, this is how the story goes but right now it is really hitting home. He must have been well-p*ssed off about something to sit under the bodhi tree and refuse to move until he had reached enlightenment. (All the pain and suffering in the world, as it turns out!)
Now Jesus pops into my head and it occurs to me he must have been pretty angry too. Why else would he have cried out My God, my God, why hath thou forsaken me if not because he was experiencing a moment of confusion and betrayal? So, if nothing else, it seems I am in good company right now.
On a serious note, it does highlight how easy it is to glorify people like the Buddha and Jesus. To imagine them as doing no wrong, never having a bad thought, of being perfection personified. Yet, I don't think this is why they incarnated - to make us feel bad about ourselves! I think they came to earth to find their inner light and shine it. To show us the truth of who we are: exactly the same reasons we are here. Yes, they are Masters, and so are we. They were also human, and so are we.
In the midst of my own anger and confusion I realise it's perfectly ok to be feeling what I am feeling right now. No need to feel ashamed, nor to try to stifle it. Simply life force energy wanting to be expressed.
As I make my way through the dark wood I hear the flapping of many birds all at once. It's quite a racket! Hmmmm…yes, having ruffled my feathers and flapped my own wings a little I am feeling much better, thank you :-)
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.