Feel like I'm in a complete spin on The Path today. Just like these flowers (which happen to be jittering frantically in the breeze) I am shaking like a leaf. Even though my legs are tired I'm hoping just by walking everything will magically be okay by the time I finish, as is often the case, but right now I cannot feel the magic. My mind is far too busy and even though I am aware of it I can't seem to stop it.
Funny that we are now into the new financial year because the word that comes to mind is over-taxed. One definition of tax is make heavy demands on someone's powers or resources. Yes, that feels about right today.
As I look at the dark clouds on the horizon I notice a sense of betrayal. I swear the guy on the radio said we were at the start of two-week heatwave! Was he taking the p*ss? I don't usually listen to the weather forecast because it is so often sends me in the wrong direction. Confuses me. I prefer to look out of the window and see what is happening for myself but for some reason I bought into what the radio guy said. As spots of rain fall I feel foolish. Why did I listen to him? Trust his judgment over my own?
Since time is short and I am having to squeeze in this walk (supposedly for the joy of it!) I take the shortcut home down the middle of the field. The ground is uneven and barely visible beneath the long grass and so one foot has to walk on a higher part of the path than the other. Call yourself a path! I catch myself muttering. As miserable as I appear to be at this point, I have to laugh at myself.
Having to take the higher and the lower path simultaneously reminds me of what it is like being human and recognising our Divinity at the same time. It can take a bit of practice and can often leave us walking with a limp :-)
Realising I am not likely to make myself happy today I surrender to the intensity of the day…and, paradoxically enough, begin to relax. I notice that despite the very real challenges of life it is I that am ultimately taxing myself. What a strange thing to do!
It's not the mountain that exhausts you but the grit in your shoe (source unknown)
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.