What a walk this turned out to be!
With my hands casually resting in my pockets, the walk begins quietly and calmly enough. I notice the Wheep! Wheep! bird from yesterday in the same place. As I wander along The Path, I am aware of a sense of nothingness within, and without. No stress, no worries, nothing I particularly have to do today (beyond my motherly responsibilities). So, this is it! I think to myself. Inner peace. I look around to see what pops out today but nothing really catches my eye. I continue to wander and watch and feel. I have to admit, despite an appreciation of being out in nature, my stomach is churning a little with an uncomfortable feeling of blandness. Gradually I become aware that despite appearances there is actually a quiet sense of discomfort deeper within. Though I'm not sure what.
As I continue to walk, the one thing that does finally stand out is the deep pink condom wrapper. I smile to myself and carry on walking. Still nothing is "speaking to me" today. I start to become curious that even though the wrapper popped out at me - I pretty much ignored it. I decide to go back and take the picture. Hmmm...so there's something going on for me around feminine (pink wrapper) sexual energy! And my tendency to ignore it. At this point I must put out an Innuendo Alert. I've noticed they come thick and fast once I am aware of sexual energy. See!
So, as I wander along, my thoughts go something like this. Ok, so the path is about sexual energy today...but you can't expect me to put that out there! I'm new to this blogging-lark. It's a little premature of me, don't you think? Shouldn't I build up to these things gradually? Wouldn't I be peaking too early? (See what I mean?) In psychological terms, I am now becoming activated. That is, I feel a little edgy and dazed as my mind becomes quite foggy around trying to figure out the details of what I could and should do. Mindlessly, I am lost in making notes, paying no attention to my surroundings at all.
Eventually, getting a sense of what is going on for me, silently I put out a plea for help. Thoughts immediately come to mind that calm me down. As I continue to make notes on my phone they suddenly disappear from my screen. With an initial sense of panic I try to retrieve them but, remembering I have just asked for help, I assume this is the answer! Though I do wonder if I can write the blog without them. As I continue the walk the words Simply showing up is enough come to mind. I choose to trust that it is so. What also comes to mind is a small part of a letter I once wrote which goes like this:
Thankfully through the process of becoming EMBODIED I can finally begin to relax around FEELING IT ALL.
The full joy of life.
The full pain of life.
And everything in between.
In essence, Being Human.
On reflection, I now realise how important it is to TRUST myself.
I don't have to be right.
I don't have to be good.
I just have to BE me.
To know my own VALUE and WORTH regardless of outside opinion.
To know that I can AFFORD to relax and just Be.
A loving spirit on an emotional human journey.
To have FAITH.
Faith in my own inner guidance that comes from my own connection to Spirit.
To ALLOW myself to FEEL JOY.
Aware there is only one Life Force Energy whether it be experienced as joy, passion, sexuality, creativity, Love or God.
Knowing they are inseparable.
That to cut off one is to cut off them all.
Denial of our life force energy as a form of self-castration, perhaps?
On a final (lighter) note, with the traditional chakra system in mind, I see the colour orange as representing this Life Force Energy that we are. Surely I'll come across something orange and pertinent on the path today I muse. Finally, at the very end, there it is. A bright orange energy drink...protruding from the bush!
I did warn you! ;-))
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.