So, here we go...
So, here we go...this is what I have to offer. I walked The Path today, as I do most days. The Path being the longer way home from the school run (about 25 mins through a small wood and around a large field). As is often the case, I began the walk in a swirl of confused emotion. It went like this...
...notice I feel WORTHLESS on the path today. Lost. Feel misplaced. Nothing makes any sense. Annoyed that the internet-based car insurance company I have just joined are almost impossible to communicate with. This, they claim, allows them to drive down monetary costs for the consumer but it seems there are other higher costs i.e. NOT BEING ABLE TO CONNECT. Feels like they've taken my money and run, offering nothing in return but threats of cancellation (i.e. further DISCONNECTION). It all feels very IMPERSONAL and of VERY LITTLE VALUE.
So then, as I do, I sink a little deeper and wonder what's really going on inside. What is this outer situation reflecting about how I'm really feeling on the inside? Then, Dong! Of course! It hits me between the eyes, or rather right smack bang in the third eye :-). Between officially quitting practicing as a psychotherapist and being in the early stages of following my heart and writing about my experience instead I realised it is me that is feeling kinda useless, of no real value. Out on a limb. Lost, and a little bemused. As I recognise this, I remember I am never lost as long as I am in contact with myself like this. Tears well in my eyes as I write this. I take a deep breath.
Having attended a wonderful Writer's Workshop provided by the publisher's Hay house this weekend, I noticed the most resistance from within came when they repeatedly emphasised the most relevant aspect of book publishing these days (besides a great book) is - social media. Putting yourself out there, so to speak. I realise this is the next step in my journey. Daring to share. The Path today reminded me of the pain of BEING OUT OF CONTACT. So here I am. Hello.
19/9/2013 10:18:44 am
Good or you Marie. I got a lot from reading your first, of any I'm sure, blog. I completely identified with the 'process' involved in self-awareness and - the gifts that come from doing the work...;)
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Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.