I've heard it said that fear and excitement are two sides of the same coin. I'd like to believe it. I've also heard fear is excitement, without the breath. Walking the The Path in reverse again - steepest part first - I am certainly that!
As I stepped out of the door today I noticed it had started to rain. I paused for a moment wondering whether to change but thought What the heck! I may be a little unprepared but I've had enough of all the fuss and finer details today. I just want to get out there. Interestingly though, with so many major upheavals in my life right now I am feeling a lack of protection (like going out in the rain without a raincoat) and yet at the same time a feeling that the safety I need to feel comes from within (trusting 'a little rain' won't hurt me). I notice I am marching purposefully with a feeling that despite everything I am on the right path.
I'm just over half way now and the path suddenly feels relentlessly muddy. I can feel myself going into overwhelm. I talk to myself, keeping a sense of presence. Right now I'm sick of the physical and the metaphorical mud. As I breathe deeply I realise I can make the mud a problem or I can choose to detach and see it as just mud. I can stop focussing on the battle and enjoy the fact that I'm out. Free to walk this path. Trusting this muddy spell will come to an end. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but I'm trusting it's there. In fact, on some level knowing it's already here.
Further along I notice a Mars Bar wrapper. It makes me think of energy. Feeling battle-weary I sense the need to build up some energy. Then I wonder if all we really ever need to do is conserve energy. Mars also makes me think of the God of War and I sense the energy that is needed for battle, for the challenges of life. But what if we already have enough? What if we simply waste it on feelings of blame, shame and guilt? Perhaps if we let go of these life-zapping emotions we'd automatically become energised. With the blocks released life could flow through us once again.
Now there's a thought! :-)
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.