I'm walking The Path in reverse today which means starting with the steepest part first. I notice what a challenge it is. Breathless. Wordless. Thoughtless. It's late in the day so I'm grateful for the freedom to walk at all. There is a feeling of having come so far. I notice my energy is low as I am face-to-face with many of my worst fears and yet there is a wider sense of the absolute beauty and stillness of the bigger picture. On a daily basis, I watch the fears slowly shifting into something softer before my very eyes.
At the same time, my feet are slipping back in the mud even though the ground is almost flat and there is a sense that I am not getting very far. Hmmm, interesting. What a contrast between the bigger and the smaller picture. Having come so far and not getting very far all in the same moment. Whenever I experience such a paradox I have a sense of being in touch with reality - with a capital R. How things truly are. Not this or that but this and that.
As I notice this rotting apple on the ground (see above) it makes me smile. Halloween comes to mind. And so too a dastardly cartoon character. Funnily enough, just like a cartoon character my legs are whizzing round and round and not getting me anywhere as I try to make my way out of this muddy situation. Perhaps I could just stop trying so hard. I could accept this is where I am right now. As I do, I am reminded that these muddy, turbulent, confusing, overwhelming times are where all the transformation takes place. The trick being to remember this whilst we are still in it. Not just with the benefit of hindsight when it is much easier to do. Not knowing how on Earth we are going to make it through but choosing simply to relax in the knowledge that we will. What a treat!
As I look out onto the field from the shadows it feels as if my eyes are playing tricks on me. The lower half of my vision, the ground below, seems to be shifting. How unnerving. And yet there is a level of freedom and appreciation in this moment despite feeling in the thick of it. It's what I call an AND experience. Being in both worlds at the same time time. Embracing the illusion of being human as well as the truth of our divinity. Trick and Treat. Whole and Complete.
Trained in a depth, buddhist-based psychotherapy, using everyday outer world experiences to develop inner wisdom, one day at a time.